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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22797943">Must Have Been The Wind</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/quailz'>quailz (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Violence, Feels, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, M/M, Minor Violence, Non-Graphic Violence, Physical Abuse, Rating May Change, Tags May Change, asahi is a sweetheart ofc, noya is in an abusive relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:34:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,081</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22797943</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/quailz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Asahi hears screaming and glass shattering in the apartment above him, he can't just ignore it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Nishinoya Yuu/Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>227</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Shattered Glass</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i got this idea from listening to "must have been the wind" by alec benjamin and i couldn't get it out of my head so... here you go! this fic deals with and describes an abusive relationship so please proceed with caution!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>For a moment, Asahi thought he might have been hearing things. Maybe he was still dreaming, or maybe his neighbor was listening to their T.V. at full volume again. As he began drifting back into sleep, he heard the shatter of glass against a wall. He sat up and looked at his alarm clock, wondering who was making so much noise at this hour. One of the younger kids in his building must have been throwing a party. He thought of calling his landlord to handle the situation before he heard the yelling. He was for sure not dreaming or hearing things, and someone was definitely not having a party. As he focused all his attention on the voices, realizing they were coming from the apartment above him. Worry began to run through his chest. If he could hear the distant arguing through the thick foundation separating his ceiling from their floor, something must be very wrong. He started at the neon glow of the alarm clock again as an internal struggle took over his thoughts. The shouting sounded pretty severe, and it felt wrong of him to try to ignore it and go back to sleep. At the same time, it seemed like none of his business, and the last thing he wanted to do was intrude on business that wasn’t his own. Surely someone else would have gotten involved or called the landlord by now. The sound of a  door slamming above him broke him from his thoughts. He signed in relief, whatever had happened was over now, and despite the nerves still tight in his chest, he could go back to sleep. As his head hit the pillow, he heard the sound of crying. It was the strained kind of sob when someone does when they’re trying to hold all their emotions in but aren’t able to. The nerves in his chest got tighter, and he knew he couldn’t ignore the noises from upstairs anymore. He waited to see if the crying stopped as he pulled himself up from his bed and threw a sweater over his bare chest. He left his apartment, locking the door behind him. As he headed up the stairs to the second floor, he worried about what he was supposed to say. What if whoever it was thought he was a creep for listening to them crying and then finding their apartment? Would they call the police on him? Before he knew it, he found himself in front of the door to the apartment above his. It wasn’t very hard to find, as the crying guided him toward the right door. He hesitated, considering turning around before bringing his fist to the door and knocking softly. He heard the crying stop suddenly, replaced by small sniffles. He heard shuffling from the other side of the door but no answer. Just as he was about to walk away, the door opened a crack. He met eyes with the small figure on the other side. The man was small, probably no taller than 5’3. He had black hair with a small blonde patch in front and intense eyes that nearly took his breath away. He saw a quick flare of surprise in the boys eyes, but it was quickly faded away as the boy whipped his door open and straightened his posture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I help you?” The boy’s voice was just as intense as his eyes but, it wasn’t threatening. Instead, it was filled with the confidence Asahi has always wanted. The boy’s sweater was zipped all the way to his collar and Asahi watched as the boy nervously fidgeted with the zipper, pulling the sweater higher up on his neck as if he was trying to hide something. Asahi noticed that the intense eyes he was so drawn to were bloodshot, and the boy’s face was red and blotchy. He couldn’t help but think that the boy still looked beautiful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hi… sorry I didn’t mean to scare you I just heard some noises earlier… it sounded uh… like someone was fighting and I-I just wanted to make sure everyone was alright.” Asahi saw another quick flare in the boys eyes, this time it was a flash of worry that was gone as quickly as it has come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.” His voice was confident but Asahi could feel the nerves radiating off him. “That’s strange I didn’t hear anything. It must have been the wind!” The boy forced a smile and laughed. Even though it was forced, Asahi couldn’t help but feel a small flutter in his chest at the boy’s smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O-oh. Y-yeah I guess.”  Asahi had no idea what to do. His gut told him that the boy was lying to him but, he also knew he shouldn’t try and pry. He let out a nervous laugh. “Sorry for bothering you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” The boy suddenly yelled out, startling Asahi. “I-I mean, no you didn’t bother me. Thank you for checking on me. Better to be safe than sorry!” The boy’s voice took the same confident tone as before. He flashed a small smile at Asahi, only this time it was genuine and it made Asahi’s heart jump straight out of his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” He smiled back and stood there silently, a blush spreading across his cheeks as he wondering what he should do next. “I’m Asahi, by the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noya. It’s nice to meet you, Asahi” Noya’s smile grew wider. “Although I wish it wasn’t at 2 in the morning.” He let out a small laugh and Asahi’s eyes grew wide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m so sorry I didn’t even realize it was that late! I’ll let you get back-” he hesitated for a second, deciding if he should play along. “I’ll let you get some rest. Goodnight Noya.” Noya watched as Asahi walked down the hallways towards the stairs. Before he opened the door, he turned and caught Noya’s eye, another blush breaking out over his skin. Noya shut the door and felt his tears come back. He felt so embarrassed. Embarrassed that his neighbors had no doubt heard the fight that broke out in his apartment and that someone as handsome as the boy he just met had to see him all blotchy and red-eyed. Noya tip-toed around the glass that was shattered on the floor, making a mental note that he had to have it cleaned up before his boyfriend came back home. He made his way into the small bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror. He slowly unzipped his hoodie, revealing dark, angry patches of bruises all over his chest. He shut his eyes tight to stop any more tears from falling out and re-zipped the hoodie as he began replaying the night in his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Noya sat at the small table in his apartment, desperately flipping through his notes to find one of the answers to his assignment. It had been a rough day. He had assignments and papers due in nearly all of his classes this week, along with multiple midterms. When we weren’t in class or at work, he spent all of his time trying to study and finish his endless assignments. As he found the answer and turned his attention back to his laptop, he sensed his boyfriend snake up behind him. He felt his arms wrap around his neck, kisses being placed up and down the side of his neck, his body tensing up in response.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Come to bed, Noya. It’s getting late.” His boyfriend tugged at his earlobe with his teeth. Noya tried his best to ignore him. He had way too much work to finish and he wasn’t in the mood.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Cut it out.” He tried to shrug him off. “I have to finish up my homework.” Suddenly, he felt his laptop slam shut on his fingers, pain shooting up through his arms.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“God, you’re such a selfish bitch you know that, Noya?” Before he had time to respond, his boyfriend had grabbed him from his chair and threw him to the ground. He felt the air leave his lungs as his body collided with the hard floor. “Is it so difficult to give your boyfriend the attention he deserves every once and a while?” Noya balled his fists, ignoring the pain that took up all the feeling in his fingers.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I have a lot of homework to do. Can’t you just go to bed by yourself?” Noya spat back at his boyfriend, all of the anger in his body spewing from his mouth. Before he could pull himself up, he felt a sharp kick to his chest, sending him back down to the hard floor.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you know how lucky you are to have me?” Another kick to the chest. “I put up with all your selfish bullshit and this is the thanks I get?” Another kick. “What are you going to do when I leave your sorry ass and you’re alone for the rest of your life? You know that no one else will ever love you like I do.” In a split second, Noya managed to pull himself up, dragging his aching body to the other side of the table. He begged his boyfriend to stop yelling, telling him that he was going to wake the neighbors up.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Good.” His boyfriend spat back at him. He picked up the glass cup Noya had been drinking water out of and threw it at his head. The cup had just barely missed Noya, shattering against the wall behind him. “Then all of the neighbors will know what a fucking bitch you are to your boyfriend.” He grabbed his keys off the counter and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door with so much force that it shook through Noya’s body. Noya stared at the door before breaking into sobs, collapsing to the floor in a pile next to the shattered glass.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Noya couldn’t believe how stupid he was. If he had just gone to bed and not opened his mouth he wouldn’t be cleaning glass up off the floor. No matter how many times Noya tried to stand his ground with his boyfriend, it always ended the same way. This was his own fault. If he had just been a good boyfriend, he wouldn’t have worried the beautiful boy from downstairs.  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Shattered Barriers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello! i'm so sorry this took me so long to update. i knew exactly what i wanted to write but my brain wasn't agreeing with my fingers. hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Noya had become used to the routine his life had fallen into. Him and his boyfriend would fight, he would adjust his alarms so that he could conceal his bruises before school or work, and then his boyfriend would apologize. He would tell Noya how much he loved him and how amazing he was, always promising that it would never happen again. It’s fuzzy when the cycle actually began. When they met in their first year at University, Noya was absolutely swept off of his feet. For the first time in his life, someone had given the bold Nishinoya Yuu butterflies in his stomach. Noya had spent all of his life making his friends and the people around him feel special. It was what he was good at, who he was and he loved that about himself. When his relationship started, it was his first experience of the way he made other people feel. Once things started to go bad, he would do anything to feel that way again. It started small, they would yell back and forth about Noya working too much or how he spent too much time with his friends. It seemed like his boyfriend could find something to get angry and defensive about in everything Noya did. He can’t even remember what exactly they were fighting about when he had first hit him. He’s wracked his brain everyday for the last few years trying to figure out exactly what he did wrong, and everytime he can only remember how it felt to be hit and how quickly it turned his world upside down. He thought about it on his way to class, during his daydreams, and every spare moment he had. Today, Noya had become so lost in thought that his body had gone into autopilot on the walk back to his apartment. It wasn’t until he felt himself crash into something that he was shaken from his thoughts. He glanced upwards as his body jolted back, realizing that this “something” was actually “someone” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry! I wasn’t watching where I was going, are you alright?” The tall figure in front of him began frantically apologizing. It was the boy from the other night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, don’t worry about it! I was spaced out. It’s Asahi, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’m sorry again about the other night-” Asahi reached up and scratched the back of his head. He wasn’t sure if he was apologizing for bothering Noya or for what he heard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “I didn’t mean to scare you or intrude.” He said, trying to cover any mention of what he had heard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You apologize for everything, don't you?” Noya laughed, watching as Asahi began to turn bright red. “No need to apologize over some wind.” Noya had that same bright smile on his face that Asahi had been thinking about ever since he first saw it but, he was good at reading people. Years of his own anxiety helped him recognize the trait in other people, and he immediately noticed the shorter boy begin to nervously pick at the skin around the nail of his thumb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” Asahi trailed off for a second, thinking of exactly how he could word what he wanted to say without upsetting Noya. “Well, if you ever want to talk about the wind… I'm right downstairs. O-only if you want to, of course.” He watched as a cycle of emotions fluttered through Noya’s eyes and felt the air change between them and at that moment, a silent bond was formed between them. The first time Noya knocked at his door after that, Asahi panicked. He could tell the boy was shaken up, and the internal struggle between bombarding him with questions or waiting until he was ready to talk lit up in his stomach again. Noya was staring at him with a distant, glassy look in his eyes and Asahi thought that he might actually break down before he had the chance to decide if he was going to ask. In an instant, the look was gone as Noya pushed his way past Asahi, inviting himself into the small apartment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, you keep your place a lot cleaner than mine is!” and thus, their routine started. At first, Noya would come once or twice a week and they would sit in the awkward comfort of small talk. Noya found out that Asahi was studying Textile and Apparel Management, and that his goal was to someday design his own clothes. They bonded over how the both of them had played volleyball in high school, and laughed about how if they had decided to play at University then they would have probably met earlier. Noya couldn’t help but wonder how different his life would be if Asahi had come into his life sooner. As days turned to weeks, Noya found himself knocking at Asahi’s door nearly everyday. Some days they sat in silence, working on homework next to each other on Asahi’s couch. On their more exciting days, they would take turns ranting about school or work, talked about their past, and learned the intimate little details about each other that you can only find out by spending time together. Noya learned that Asahi was a terrible cook, and no matter how hard he tried, his food was always missing something. Asahi discovered that Noya had a hidden obsession with horror movies, and could tell you anything you could ever want to know about any one of them. They formed a silent agreement with each other about what was happening upstairs, Asahi didn’t ask and Noya didn’t tell. Asahi’s apartment had become a safe haven for Noya, with only a floor separating him from the reality of his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, if you keep your eyes closed the entire time it doesn’t actually count as watching the movie.” Noya poked at Asahi’s ribs, unable to hide the smile on his face. In exchange for helping him with his lack of culinary skills, Asahi had promised Noya that he would watch all of his favorite horror movies with him but, Asahi spent more time with his eyes closed than actually watching the movie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” Asahi started, grabbing at Noya’s poking hand “you could just tell me what happens. That way I can experience the movie nightmare free.” He flashed a teasing smile at Noya, his eyes avoiding the TV all together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw come on Asahi! Where's the fun in that? You would probably still get nightmares anyway!” Without thinking, Noya laced their fingers together. They looked at their hands, blushes heating up both of their cheeks. They sat staring at their interlaced fingers, each of them feeling their heartbeat quicken. Asahi thought about how badly he wanted to pull the smaller boy into him and Noya thought about how badly he wanted to be pulled into the larger boy. He shifted himself onto Asahi’s lap, locking eyes with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’re really that scared, i’m right here.” He placed his hands on the broad shoulders in front of him. Noya felt his breath quicken as Asahi wrapped his arms around his waist, the blush that had painted itself across his cheeks turning darker. They held each other in an intense stare, both eyes searching for what the other wanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noya…” Asahi swallowed hard, his voice quiet. All this time, both men had been trying to push down the growing feelings they were developing. Noya was afraid of coming on too strong and a tiny thought in the back of his brain kept reminding him that he did have a boyfriend. Asahi was afraid of all this plus more but even he couldn’t deny the tension between them. He thought about how every time Noya came through his door after something had happened upstairs, all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around Noya and never let him go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Noya started, feeling speechless for once in his life. He thought about how Asahi made him feel. He was the only one who could make him smile on the bad days, and the good days became brighter because of him. He took a shaky breath and reminded himself of who he was. He was Nishinoya Yuu and he was afraid of nothing. He leaned forward, closing the gap between their lips and in an instant, Noya and Asahi both felt an invisible barrier shatter and come crumbling down between them.          </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope this was a bit happier than last chapter! i'm not sure how long this is going to be, i wanted this one to end in a different way but i thought making it it's own chapter would be better. now that my university is switched to online, i'll have a lot more time to update. as always feel free to leave comments/suggestions/anything :) again this looked a lot longer in docs lol...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Two Universes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello! i'm sorry this took me so long to update, i honestly didn't expect the kind of response i got! thank you so much for wanted to stick through this with me! y'all are the best.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Noya felt a small tug at his body, waking up in a panic. He looked around the unfamiliar room, his brain taking longer to wake up than his body. As his eyes adjusted to the dark and his brain slowly began to function, he remembered where he was. He was waking up in Asahi’s bed, the larger males arms wrapped around him. He turned his head, taking in the boy next to him. He looks so peaceful while he slept, with nothing to worry about or be afraid of while he’s dreaming. Noya laughed softly to himself, this was probably the most relaxed he had ever seen the taller boy.</p>
<p>“That makes two of us,” Noya said quietly to himself, turning his head back to check the alarm clock sitting on the bedside table. He can’t remember the last time he slept so good, or the last time he went to bed comfortable in someone else’s arms. Noya had always been an early riser, his internal alarm clock set to go off before the sun comes up. At this time, he would usually be pulling himself out of bed and quietly making his way around the apartment. He would carefully look through his drawers, trying to gather clothes without waking his boyfriend. He shook the thoughts of his normal routine out of his head, not wanting to ruin the moment he was in now. As much as he wanted to stay here forever, he was starting to get antsy. Once he was awake, his body needed to start the day. Asahi had told him multiple times that he wasn’t a morning person, and Noya wanted so badly to fall back asleep in his arms, but he knew it was a losing battle. He tried to wiggle his way out of Asahi’s grip, making little progress. He had the grip of a vice, holding onto Noya as if he would lose him if he let go. Maybe he actually was still nervous in his sleep, afraid of waking up without him. With one final squirm, Noya felt the grip around him loosen. He turned his head back, his eyes meeting with Asahi’s slowly opening ones.</p>
<p>“Sorry, did I wake you?” Free from Asahi’s grip, Noya turned his body around completely. His question was returned with a lazy smile and arms wrapping around him again, gently pulling his body to rest against Asahi’s chest.</p>
<p>“Hm,” Asahi hummed quietly, sleep still heavy in his voice. “So it wasn’t a dream.” Noya felt his face turn hot, burying his face closer to Asahi in an attempt to hide his growing smile.</p>
<p>“You didn’t answer my question.” He teased. “And what, do you dream about me often?” Now it was Asahi’s turn to blush, but even as his face turned its signature shade of red, Noya couldn’t help but notice that this Asahi seemed different. Maybe it was his sleepy state, but he seemed comfortable in himself, his energy matching Noya’s.</p>
<p>“More than I’d like to admit.” He ran a hand through Noya’s ungelled hair. “Most of them are just like this.” Noya scrunched up his nose, lifting his head to look at the taller male.</p>
<p>“Don’t be so cheesy.” He leaned closer, pressing their lips together in a gentle kiss. He felt sparks course through his veins, all the way from his head to his toes, a feeling he’s sure he won’t ever get over.</p>
<p>✩</p>
<p>After some back and forth teasing and few kisses later, Noya managed to pull Asahi out of bed. He groggily pulled on a pair of sweatpants, making his way towards his kitchen to start some coffee.</p>
<p>“So you weren’t joking when you said you were a morning person, huh?”</p>
<p>“Nope!” He stretched his arms high above his head, feeling his bones pop as he stretched his body towards the sky. “And you weren’t lying about not being a morning person!” Noya reached down, humming happily, as he picked his shirt up off the floor. His eyes traveled down his legs and back up towards his chest, taking in the array of colorful bruises that colored his skin. He quickly pulled his shirt and sweatpants on, suddenly feeling exposed. There’s no way Asahi hadn’t seen them, the dark patches covered most of his body, creating a twisted galaxy across his tiny figure. He also hadn’t said anything about them, and even though they held a silent agreement to not talk about Noya’s life upstairs, the tension grew the closer the pair got.</p>
<p>“Coffee?” Asahi’s voice broke him from his thoughts, still raspy from sleep but not as groggy as before.</p>
<p>“Nope!” Noya bounced his way over to the taller male. “Don.’t need it.”</p>
<p>“Do you really never drink it?” He took a small sip, raising his eyebrow.</p>
<p>“I am blessed with endless amounts of energy, Asahi. You should know this by now.” Noya sent him a teasing glare, sinking his body into one of the mismatched chairs of Asahi’s kitchen. Asahi returned his look with a smile that lit up his eyes as he watched Noya pull his knees to his chest. Noya feels his heart flutter in his chest, he doesn’t think anyone has ever looked at him that. Asahi made the time pass so easily, always listening to Noya ramble and making him forget about all the troubles in the world. He knew he would have to go back upstairs eventually, mentally preparing himself for the fight that would no doubt spark between him and his boyfriend. It felt wrong to still call him his boyfriend, worse than the reality that what he was doing with Asahi was wrong. It felt like Noya was traveling between two different universes, everything about the two men was different. Upstairs, Noya had to tip-toe around, both physically and metaphorically. He had to be careful of how much noise he made and always had to think about what his boyfriend wanted him to say before he spoke. There was no listening about Noya’s day unless it was being used as a defense against some kind of accusation. He was always rough with Noya, taking what he wanted when he wanted it, only focusing on his pleasure as if that was Noya’s only job. Downstairs, Noya was able to move freely and wildly, never having to hold back the energy that flowed out of him. Asahi took the time to ask Noya about how school was going or what happened at work, listening intently as if he wanted to absorb every detail and lock them away in his brain. Last night, when the walls fell between them, Asahi was gentle with him, as if one wrong move would break him. He took his time learning Noya’s body and what made him tick. He made Noya feel like he was important, like in that moment he was the only thing in Asahi’s world. He made Noya feel loved, something he doesn’t remember feeling in his upstairs universe. Two cups of coffee later and some more back and forth banter about their failed horror movie excursion, Noya knew he needed to leave. As much as he wanted Asahi to be his reality, he knew he was trapped in another, far away galaxy.</p>
<p>“I should probably head upstairs” He jumped off the chair, trying to push his body through the sense of dread slowly filling it. He noticed Asahi’s brow scrunch together, his lip pulled between his teeth as he stared into his empty mug,</p>
<p>“Noya-” The air felt different, all the feelings of a peaceful morning slowly being sucked out of the room through a small straw. Asahi didn’t have to say anything, Noya already knew what he was thinking.</p>
<p>“I really have to shower and do some cleaning.” His voice flowed from his lips faster than he would like, matching the pace of the warning signals firing off into his brain. “I’ll be back later tonight probably, we can finishing watchi-”</p>
<p>“I wish you would stay.” Asahi lifted his head, his dark eyes watching Noya intensely. His voice sounded impossibly deeper, more serious almost.</p>
<p>“I wish I could stay too but, the apartment hasn’t been cleaned in ages and I really need to-”<br/>“You know what I mean.” Asahi lowered his gaze back towards the table, pulling all of Noya’s breath out his body. “I just… I just don’t understand why-”</p>
<p>“Understand what?” Noya snapped, his emotions running wild around his head. He knew what was happening, and he couldn’t help the anger suddenly boiling in his body.</p>
<p>“I don’t understand why you’re with him.” Now it was Asahi’s turn to get angry, a slower burn running through him.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Noya’s body was in full fight or flight mode now, his anger pulling him between running or fighting. Whether he was angry at Asahi for knowing the truth or angry at himself for denying it, he wasn’t sure.</p>
<p>“Please don’t be stupid Noya.” Asahi released a long breath, his voice rising to a level Noya had never heard before. “Do you know how hard it is to hear everything and completely ignore it? To watch you come to my door shaking and red-eyed and act like I don’t notice?”</p>
<p>“I don’t-”</p>
<p>“It killed me.” Asahi stood up from his chair. “It killed me to see you covered head to toe in bruises last night, knowing that I could have prevented them.” His voice started cracking, his eyes looking completely hopeless. “But instead I let you leave every day to get the living hell beat out of out you.” Noya felt like the world had come to a pause, like everything was in slow motion. Knowing is one thing, hearing it is another.</p>
<p>“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” He was picking at his thumb, his head spinning and his body shaking. He was moving at 100mph, but the world was moving at a crawl.</p>
<p>“Noya please, I just want to help you-” The smaller boy felt another wall crumble between them, only this time the rubble divided them.</p>
<p>“You don’t know anything about me!” Noya felt himself exploding, all of his control losing to the panic in his brain. “This was a mistake.” He turned quickly, grabbing his backpack off the floor and making his way towards the door. The room stretched with every step he took, the door getting farther and farther away.</p>
<p>“Noya please don’t leave-” Asahi followed him, catching up in three easy steps. He reached out to grab him. Noya’s arm pulling away as he turned around to face him.</p>
<p>“Do not touch me.” He forced his breathing to even, his chest rising and falling as if he had just run a marathon. “I made a mistake. I have a boyfriend who loves me, and you were just a distraction. I don’t know what you thought this was, but whatever it is isn’t happening.” Noya felt his eyes grow heavy, pulling them down to avoid Asahi’s glance. “Please just leave me alone.” He turned and opened the door before Asahi could say anything, slamming it shut behind him. The floodgates in his eyes opening as soon as the door hit the frame</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ugh i just want to hug them both! thank you SO MUCH for reading! it means so much to me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Hope and Fear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i've finally finished it! i had become very dragged down by everything going on in the world, and this kind of took the back burner but i'm happy to have taken time to finish this. when i first started writing this, i never thought it would turn into what it did. here's to my first ever multi-chapter fic! i hope you're staying safe and you enjoy the end of this journey.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The thud of Noya’s shoes against the metal staircase pulsed along with the throbbing in his head. He hated crying. He hated how vulnerable and small it made him feel. He knew Asahi was right, so why does it make him so angry? All this time, he had been telling himself that what went on upstairs was wrong and that he needed to leave but hearing it from someone else hurt worse than any hit he’d ever taken. He glanced down at his phone through swollen eyes. His boyfriend would usually be at work by now but, what if he had never left because Noya never came home? Standing outside his door, he nervously dug into the nail of his thumb. He jumped when he heard the loud metal door to the hallway slam shut. He turned, mentally preparing himself for the game of 20 questions that was sure to come his way. His eyes met his elderly neighbor’s. He quickly pulled himself up a little straighter and said a quick good morning before walking through his door and slamming it shut. If Asahi could hear everything going on from the floor below him, what could his neighbors hear? He slowly scanned the apartment, looking for confirmation that he was alone. Once he was certain, he released the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding in. He glanced down at his phone again, he had an hour before his lecture, leaving just enough time for him to shower and cover his mostly faded bruises. He slowly peeled off his clothes, avoiding his gaze from the mirror. He had been avoiding the truth for a long time, and he wasn’t ready to look himself in the eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>☆</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The walk to campus seemed longer than normal. Noya felt like his body was moving in slow motion, the wind around him threatening to pick him up and carry him away. Every face he passed looked grey and the world seemed to drain in color with every step he took. He found himself in front of the lecture hall, hesitantly standing at the bottom of the staircase. He watched as people moved around him. What were they going through? Was everyone happier than he was? He felt his legs move up the stairs and carry him into the stuffy building. He followed the crowd into the classroom, making his way to his “unassigned assigned seat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” His best friend, Sugawara, quickly moved his bag off the seat. “I thought you weren’t coming, you’re always here before me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Noya forced a small laugh through his lips. “I lost track of time this morning.” He avoided eye contact as he pulled his laptop out of his bag, silently praying for their lecture to start. Suga always knew when something was wrong but he never had to ask Noya if anything was ever wrong. To everyone else, Noya was the strong friend, the one who never suffered because he could deal with anything. He wasn’t ready for that reputation to be ruined today. He tried to keep up with what his professor was saying but all he could think about was the look on Asahi’s face when he had left his apartment this morning. No matter how hard he tried to push his face out of his mind and close that chapter of his life, it replayed over and over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noya?” The voice broke him from his thoughts, his eyes adjusting to the blank document on his screen. “Ready to go?” He looked up at Suga, standing over him with his bag slung over his shoulder and a quirk in his eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sorry, I didn’t get any sleep last night!” Noya heard the words come out of his mouth too fast, his legs the following suit and shooting out of his chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you seemed kinda zoned out. I’ll just send you my note.” Suga shot him one of his mega-watt smiles, turning to make sure Noya was following him as he walked out of the classroom. They followed their usual Monday/Wednesday/Friday routine, making their way to their favorite study spot. The coffee shop was a few blocks away, the cold air burning their noses as they walked. Suga filled the time with a story about the weekend he had spent with his boyfriend. Noya did his best to nod along and throw in a “really?” or an “awesome” every once in a while but, he couldn’t get himself to actually focus on the story. After getting to the small shop and making their way through the line, they claimed their usual table and dirtied it with papers, books, and laptops. They sat in silence, Suga studying and Noya pretending. He sat and picked at his nail under the table, feeling a small trickle of blood make his way down his finger. The room felt too hot, too crowded, his lungs unable to keep up with the circulating air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, are you alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I cheated.” Noya heard the words leave his mouth before his brain had time to process them. Suga’s eyes met his, the corner of his lips turning up slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought something was wrong.” They stared silently at each other, Noya waiting for Suga to reply and Suga waiting for Noya to elaborate. “What happened?” The grey-haired boy finally offered. Two voices swirled around Noya’s brain, one telling him to be honest and the other begging him to lie. What would Suga think of him if he knew the truth? His nail dug deeper into his bloodied one, sending a stinging pain up his arm. “Nishinoya, you know I would never judge you.” His chest shook as he pulled in a breath, his words beginning to flood out of his mouth like water from a broken dam. He told him everything, the cycle of abuse he had lived in for the past couple of years, the boy from downstairs who worried about him. Once he started, he couldn’t stop. Suga sat quietly, watching as Noya broke down in front of him. By the time he was finished, Noya’s vision had been blurred by tears, a wet spot forming on the front of his shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noya,” Suga’s voice made him flinch, his mind preparing him for the judgment that was bound to come his way. “I’m so sorry I never knew.” The shorted boy glanced up, his eyes taking in a teary-eyed Suga.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” He asked, his brows pulling together. “What do you mean, how would you have known?” His words came out a bit harsher than he meant them to, a habit of self-defense he had been using for too long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should have seen the signs. How could I not have seen them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you… upset with me?” Confusion flooded him as a small laugh came from Suga.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Upset with you? Why would I have any reason to be upset with you? I’m upset that this went on for so long and I couldn’t do anything to help you.” Noya felt his heart begin to calm down, going from 100 to 50mph. What was he supposed to do now? What’s the next step when you reveal that your life is a complete disaster? “You can’t stay there anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But where am I supposed to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll stay with me. We can go together and pack up what we can. I’m not letting you stay there for another second.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t stay with you forever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t have to, we’ll find a new place for you to live. In the meantime, I won’t let you stay there and suffer.” Noya looked down at his hand, a smooth trail of blood running down his hand from his picked-at nail. He didn’t know what to say, his brain searching for some kind of response as he wiped the blood away with a napkin. No one teaches you how to feel about your world crashing down around you. As the weight of his secret was lifted off of him, a new weight of “what now?” replaced it. Telling Suga was only the beginning, a beginning that didn’t make him feel any less hopeless or confused. Before, there was a consistency in Noya’s life. Although it was a negative one, he had fallen into a routine of what he could and couldn't do. This routine had given him a sick sort of comfort and thought of being pulled away scared him as much as the thought of staying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What am I supposed to even tell hi-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” Suga interrupted him with a shake of his head. “You owe him nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I cheated on him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noya,” Suga pulled in a deep breath, redirecting his eyes directly onto his. “You have to think about why you did it. I’m not saying what you did was right but, you wouldn’t have done it if you weren’t in this situation. This isn’t about your character, it’s about  your circumstance.” A beat of silence passed between them. In these past few minutes, Noya had felt every emotion flood through his body. Right now, he felt grateful for and frustrated by Suga’s ability to be so level headed and smart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You always know what to say.” For the first time all day, a genuine laugh flowed from his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just saying what you would have said to me.” Suga smiled his warm smile, making Noya’s gratitude for him multiple by 100. The silver-haired boy began packing up his things, gathering up his garbage, and pulling his coat on. Noya stared up at him, his face twisting in confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are going back to your apartment. I’m going to start packing your things and you are going to go talk to the boy downstairs.” It took a moment for the words to register in Noya’s head.</span>
</p><p><span>“Asahi.”</span><span><br/>
</span> <span>“Yes, Asahi.” Suga extended a hand, pulling the shorter male up out of his chair. The walk back to his apartment complex passed in both fast and slow motion. Noya’s body was moving quickly, his blood pumping as if he had just run miles but with each step, he felt farther and farther from his destination. What if his boyfriend was home? What if Asahi wasn’t? They had reached the outside of his building, a symbol of his despair and hopelessness but also a possibility. </span></p><p>
  <span>“You can do this.” Suga pulled him into a tight hug, grabbing his keys from him and holding on tightly to his hand until they made it to the staircase. He gave him a small nod before pulling open the heavy door and making his way up the metal staircase, leaving Noya alone in the hallway he had walked many times to get to his safe space. He walked slowly to the door, each step requiring all the power in his body. He stared at it, thinking of the time he first came and knocked on it. All the times he stood outside and held back his tears and the times he was too excited to even knock. He wanted to run away but, he also wanted to run through the door and never come back out. He took a deep breath and remembered who he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am Nishinoya Yuu.” He told himself quietly as he raised his fist to the door. “I can do anything.” He knocked twice, listened for any sign of movement on the other side. Each second that passed felt like an hour until the door finally opened. Asahi stared down at him, his eyes puffy and the tip of his nose red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noya.” He said quietly as if he couldn’t believe the sight in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Asahi.” The shorter boy returned, staring up into those beautiful eyes. The eyes that saw him as no one else did, the eyes that saved him. Noya felt tears running down his face, painting his cheeks in hot stripes. He jumped forward, wrapping his arms tightly around the taller man. Asahi’s body welcomed him without missing a beat, his arms flying around him and holding him tightly. Noya felt everything at once. A flood of fear and hope, love, and hurt. He had a long way to go, a new life to build. A life that suddenly felt possible in the arms of a man he loved and one that loved him back. He didn’t know where this path would lead him but he knew where it began.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m done lying about the wind.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you so much for reading and following this journey with me.  </p><p>to anyone who has found themselves in a situation like noya's: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/</p><p>come talk to me on twitter: https://twitter.com/itachiyam</p><p>love you and stay safe!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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